Friends

(Part 1)

by Micky Galloway

“Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer each one.” “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals” (Colossians 4:5-6; I Corinthians 15:33).

When I was growing up the expression, “Birds of a feather flock together” was quite common. It seems that those of like thought form a special bond. As Christians, our relationship with other people is very important. In His infinite wisdom, God has provided us the tools to develop good relations with those around us, and avoid the ruin of the wrong kind of friends. Let us turn to the book of Proverbs.

A good friend is someone that can be depended on as a source of comfort and counsel in good times and bad. “A friend loveth at all times.” “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are profuse.” “Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; So doth the sweetness of a man’s friend (that cometh) of hearty counsel” (Proverbs 17:17; 27:6; Proverbs 27:9). Sometimes we need someone who loves us enough to tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear. Sometimes these words sting, but are for our good. However, there are some people that you do not want as friends.

A gossip and a liar. Proverbs 16:28, “A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends” (NKJV). Proverbs 20:19, “He that goeth about as a tale-bearer revealeth secrets; Therefore company not with him that openeth wide his lips.” Proverbs 25:18-19, “A man that beareth false witness against his neighbor Is a maul, and a sword, and a sharp arrow. Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble Is (like) a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.” Sometimes it is good to tell someone something in confidence, seeking advice, knowing they will keep it to themselves. The man who tells all is a fool!

Someone who is quick to get angry. Proverbs 22:24-25, “Make no friendship with a man that is given to anger; And with a wrathful man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, And get a snare to thy soul.” James 1:19-20 affirms, “Ye know (this), my beloved brethren. But let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” It is rare that we speak the right thing when we are angry. We must draw a line beyond which we will not cross, for it is sinful!

Someone who is abusing their bodies, either with alcohol or other drugs. Proverbs 23:20-21, “Be not among winebibbers, Among gluttonous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty; And drowsiness will clothe (a man) with rags.” What does it take to convince us that we will be hurt by choosing those who drink and those who are druggies to hang out with? Read the text! Proverbs 20:1, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler; And whosoever erreth thereby is not wise.” Proverbs 23:29-30, “Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? Who hath complaining? who hath wounds without cause? Who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; They that go to seek out mixed wine.” You know of a certainty that if you are around this, misery and sorrow will come! Kings were warned that drinking would impair their judgment. Proverbs 31:4-5, “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; Nor for princes (to say), Where is strong drink? Lest they drink, and forget the law, And pervert the justice (due) to any that is afflicted.”

Those who are violent. These walk as fools and we would be foolish to befriend this type person. Proverbs 16:29, “A man of violence enticeth his neighbor, And leadeth him in a way that is not good.” Proverbs 1:10-19, “My son, if sinners entice thee, Consent thou not. If they say, Come with us, Let us lay wait for blood; Let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause; Let us swallow them up alive as Sheol, And whole, as those that go down into the pit; We shall find all precious substance; We shall fill our houses with spoil; Thou shalt cast thy lot among us; We will all have one purse: My son, walk not thou in the way with them; Refrain thy foot from their path: For their feet run to evil, And they make haste to shed blood. For in vain is the net spread In the sight of any bird: And these lay wait for their own blood; They lurk privily for their own lives. So are the ways of every one that is greedy of gain; It taketh away the life of the owners thereof.”

A good friend is valuable, but the wrong kind of friends will ruin us. Proverbs 13:20, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (KJV). A good friend who will help us do right is worth every effort to keep. The warning of Paul in I Corinthians 15:33 is real, “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals.” As important as this is, how then can we select and maintain the right kind of friendships? Again, we turn to the Proverbs.

A good friend does not repeat everything they hear. “An ungodly man digs up evil, And it is on his lips like a burning fire. A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.” “He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends” (Proverbs 16:27-28;17:9 NKJV). Proverbs 29:20, “Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? There is more hope of a fool than of him.” Truly, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue …” (Proverbs 18:21). God’s law stated, “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people …” (Leviticus 19:16). Do not allow yourself to be someone’s garbage receptacle. Refuse to listen to gossip!

A good friend will avoid senseless arguments. There are enough things that we must contend for. However, Proverbs 17:14 says, “The beginning of strife is (as) when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before there is quarrelling.” Proverbs 15:18, “A wrathful man stirreth up contention ; But he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” Proverbs 18:6, “A fool’s lips enter into contention , And his mouth calleth for stripes.” Sometimes if we will stop arguing the argument will stop. (Duh!) Proverbs 26:20, “For lack of wood the fire goeth out; And where there is no whisperer, contention ceaseth.”

A good friend minds his own business. Proverbs 26:17, “He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears” (NKJV). Needless meddling with the quarrels of others not only does no good, but brings trouble to the meddler. On the other hand, a wise man works as a mediator, for the sake of peace.

A good friend will not overstay their welcome. Proverbs 25:17, “Let thy foot be seldom in thy neighbor’s house, Lest he be weary of thee, and hate thee.” There is an old saying which says, “Too much familiarity breeds contempt.” Do not come at an inappropriate time, or pry into family concerns, or ask help too often.

A good friend does not engage in pretended flattery. Proverbs 27:14, “He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It shall be counted a curse to him.” Proverbs 26:28, “A lying tongue hateth those whom it hath wounded; And a flattering mouth worketh ruin.” Proverbs 28:23, “He that rebuketh a man shall afterward find more favor Than he that flattereth with the tongue.” Proverbs 29:5, “A man that flattereth his neighbor spreadeth a net for his steps.” “Beware of a flatterer; he does not flatter merely to please you, but to deceive you and profit himself” (Adam Clarke’s Commentary).

Properly applying the wisdom of God found in His Word can assure that we enjoy the blessings of good friends in this life, and hopefully we can look forward to enjoying these dear friends in life eternal!